95 cent coffee mama

 Hi Cyber Friends,

Yesterday I was speaking with a friend about the Aquarian revolution. A lot of mixed feelings. On one hand, cool, may society recover, may we face what we have to face, may things get “better” - “better” for all of us together, for our highest good. But then, I wonder, how much can we take? How much has to still change, how much pain and suffering do we have to go through? 

Things get better, but then when they do, it uncovers what’s been simmering underneath all along; not just in the moment of disruption but rather all the time before its peak, the slow causality that suddenly bursts. Whether you have to face yourself, somebody else, or something else, it’s just unpleasant. You tried to keep it down all along - consciously or subconsciously jeden chuj - and here it is, and you can’t escape it. That’s the part I don’t like about all this, not just on a personal or interpersonal level, but transpersonal as well. I don’t like how much people have to suffer for things to get better. How many unpaid people fight for things to change and get nothing in return. How many people die young and broke. How many people have to die for people to put an end to wars, genocides. It’s just so overwhelming, it’s so hard to keep it together, to not allow yourself to get too low, so you can fight back, so you can resist, so you can change what you don’t stand for. 

So yeah, it’s a lot. Even on good days, it’s hard not to let the weight of the world push you down. All the moving parts are moving. And with all this, you can go to the store and get triggered over a massive line, getting late, having barely enough for a coffee, or a sandwich, or a pack of cigarettes. So you calculate all the time, you check all the time, if everything is okay. You juggle what treat you’ll have today, whether you’ll eat, drink, or sin, what is it gonna be? 

In moments like this I find that focusing on what I have rather than what I don’t helps me to go back to the present moment and find gratitude in all this chaos. And that’s what builds me up, that’s what brings me back to a state where I can give freely and from the heart, where I don’t operate from a place of fear, hurt, trauma. It’s the opposite of the triggered state: you find a note on the ground, you get a job, someone is kind to you on the street. And suddenly, it’s okay. And in that moment you know things pass because something just did, and you’re okay. 

There’s this place close to Erasmus Park in Amsterdam called Broodje Daan. It has the cheapest breakfast and lunch items I have seen in this city. You can get a proper meal for under 5 euro, most of the stuff is actually 3-4 euro. It’s a miracle. And the best part about it is that their coffee is 95 cents mama. 95 CENTS. It’s mind-boggling. Like when people talk about restaurants where you can still smoke inside. Just too good to be true. 

So today, this 95 cent coffee is my fallen angel. And in the midst of all this heaviness, it’s uplifting. And I don’t have to feel like shit that I spent 6 euro on something I didn’t really need. So I wish to you your own ray of sunlight, beam of hope, sign. Let’s all hang in there somehow.